I need something fragrant, effulgent, yet mild, for it must woo a lord and ensure me a child. I've tried your elixirs, your potions and salves and yet princely boudoirs are elusive. What now???
My lady, it does seem unlikely but true that a royal aversion is squatting on you. We must tempt the loins of a duke or an earl but your corpus olfactus makes nostril hairs curl!
I bathe once a month and I don't drink with monks and I keep my testicular hair in a bunch on a string 'round my neck, for that keeps away pests, so you said, and prevents lice from making their nests.
My lady, the mane from your manhood will do to keep fleas at bay, yet no prince should eschew your comely attire and feminine wiles and the contents of THIS, my last magical phial!
A spell in the night (yet it's fecal, by sight) but applied thoroughly he shall be mine, by rights! A codpiece, a carriage, a gap in his grin, a unicorn tapestried love shall I win!